Loops

I am caught in a loop, a loop of awful things
of awful pains
of awful suffering
A loop that brings every thought to the same experience
an experience none should have
Each thought leaves with the same images
with the same feelings
with the same hurt
With less acceptance
and less faith
and less control
I am here
Rocking
Lulling myself into music that won't shake me
speaking words I will soon regret
regardless of the commitments of the tomorrow
I am here
Alone in a loop I thought I'd left behind